I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
