I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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