I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
