Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
