That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
