the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
