If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're like the curious george of whores
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
