i already hear my dad disowning me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize