I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize