a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
