At least make sure they are 18
Why
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize