I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
