you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
