I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize