nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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