I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize