I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
