You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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