whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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