worst night to have a conscience
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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