Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
