my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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