he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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