I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
