the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
