Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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