i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
