Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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