Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
