i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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