after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
