Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
