worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize