there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize