i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
