She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
