when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
