God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
