oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
