just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
