u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
