I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
