There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
