last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
