Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
