so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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