Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
