Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
