Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
