He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
