woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
