As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
