We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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