i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
