i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
