Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
