The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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