A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
