One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
