thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
