I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
