this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
