just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
