what day is it and did you see me today?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
