is your mom at the bar?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize