Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize