Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
