Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
