Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
