Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
