it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
