FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
