It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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