It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
