don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
