Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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