Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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