I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
